I feel like I owe an introduction of some sort

The trouble is, I can't think of anything to say.

Oh wait, here we are: I'm Yousif. I'm 23, going on 24 next month. I haven't got much to hide.

What else do you want to know?

Well, I find it difficult to commit to things that I seem as enthused as a caffienated toddler to begin with, but am extremely disinterested and indifferent around a week later.

What do I do? Now THAT is a very good question. The truth is, not a great deal. I co-ran a indie label up until a month or so ago, I up and left quite acrimoniously it has to be said. But I won't go into that right now. Life for me, as it has since I was around 19 has been on stand-still, on temporary hold, stuck in the mud. I often find that people post blogs for the following reasons, they've got something they want to share with the world, others might like to rant and rave about a certain act, et cetera. Why am I here? Knowing full well I can't hold anything down for the best part of a few days?

Because this seems like a decent enough outlet to vent my frustrations and my manic depressive nature into some sort of hub of creativity.

What's troubling me right now? Many things. It's almost as though I've prioritized what I should be crying over, rather than confront the world and its dog over resolving my personal (and to an extent, professional) issues. I'm pretty skint, though I've been this way for quite a while now so that doesn't count, huge debts to pay off, deciding what the hell I'm going to do with my life, i.e. a long-term plan and the fact that no matter how much I run away from it, deny it, or try to hide my identity, I have a autistic disorder called Asperger's Syndrome.

Folks, unless you know what it's like living in a goldfish bowl or being a hologram whilst the world seemingly passes you by, you've not a clue as to what I have to live with. Basically, it's an anti-social issue whereby one has the behavioral tendencies to be what's described in layman's terms, as a loner. From a personal point of view, I find it difficult to maintain eye contact, to refrain from smiling constantly at times when deemed wholly inappropriate and most strikingly of all, having a psychological threshold of a sponge. Every derogatory word, every disappointment feels like a blow to the head.

The latest sucker punch I received was this morning in fact - am promoting a new club-night next month and even went to the trouble of inviting those on Facebook. Within barely 12 hours, the majority of the replies have read for disheartened reading: 4 confirmed guests (including myself and a DJ), 10 maybes and 41 no's. Maybe January 5th is a little awkward for some? Maybe the majority of these folks aren't from London? I don't know. I guess my point here is perhaps my good nature has been taken advantage of, and it's taken me this long to come to this realisation. In this fair and gray city we call London, everyone is self-less and out for themselves in a self-serving metropolis. Everyone's nice to your face until a favour is needed, then watch their expressions turn from being pleasant, to hesitant.

Maybe I set myself up for the imminent fall. Maybe on the night, I'll look an idiot like I always do and falter while everyone else is living it up watching repeats or X Factor. No matter what I do, it never quite seems enough. And as for so-called 'friends', I don't even know who to call my friends anymore. My paranoia is at red-alert at the moment and as you've read above, it's for good reason. When I turned 23 earlier this year, I went to a club-night on my own watching the likes of Uffie, Man Like Me and others on Ed Banger Records mix on the wheels of steel. It was there and then that I confirmed to myself that I really am a hologram. As though a being of my true self, in reality doesn't exist; only in a graphic form whilst everyone else literally wanders straight past without ever really noticing.

I truly think that the last sentence really summed this post up. Right now there are very few things in my life that make any sort of sense: Manchester United, Music, Film and Literature. To my mind, that's pretty much it.